This day 11/22/22, marks the 31st anniversary of my brother’s death.
On Nov 20th, we left LAX to attend his wedding in 1991. Times were on the precipice of change for the better. My father had lived through me to be a cardiologist. I had lived my dream to be an interventional cardiologist at Cedars. I had taken the Cardiology boards. Rajiv had lived a discovery in life that finally achieved aspirational beginnings. Rajiv had achieved academic success and a bureaucratic pedestal and was marrying into a desirable family. The Bhambi family was on the mend.
To backfill, I left home when I was less than four, soon after Rajiv was born.
I never had enough of him.
I fondly anticipated our brief togetherness during sweltering summers.
Never enough, though.
Life throws curve balls and near misses hurt forever.
This one was a strikeout. Rajiv died when we were on the plane to attend his wedding.
I didn’t attend either; the wedding or the funeral. I would have preferred the wedding. It’s a forever miss that stays unsettled.
With him gone, the unfulfillable vacuum sought magical relief in his avatar that continues to dominate my dreams.
Almost tangible, almost here. Yet perishes on touch.
A lot had to do with proximity to mom.
It was his turn to be next to mom.
The pain eased a bit when mom joined him on 10/12/2018.
Dreams continue to be wayward.
My mind is at ease.
Mom is with Rajiv.
I’m also at ease that beyond personal failures and fortune’s weave, I raised a good family.
Family is the unit. I would die a million times to bring Rajiv back.
Emotions aside, emotions undergird the infrastructure that holds commonsense astride.
The kinship in the family has to lay the foundation of camaraderie around.
Let’s live in love. Death is forever.
Sibling love is a rare blessing.
Cherish and behold.